We have company over, cousins from Indiana visiting and it’s getting later in the evening. Marilyn had fixed us a wonderful New York strip steak dinner, with mushrooms, red & green bell pepper, onions, squash and zucchini. She had also made us a great romaine lettuce salad. Yum yum!
We played 5 games of pool where the ladies beat us handsomely. Now we’re watching the concert DVD of the Blue Man Group “The Complex Tour Live”. Awesome! Anyway, I’m sitting here after all of us having a great day, now watching and listening to the concert and Tracy Bonham is singing a song I love, then, a thought came to my mind.
It scared me. Bad. Why? What had scared me? Great question, Matt, I’m so glad you asked because I am dying to tell you.
I had a flash back to where I was just a few, short months ago.
It scared the bejevees out of me. I saw myself back there, and I felt how horrible it felt to be back there. There, on the precipice of falling uncontrollably into the cold, quiet, deep, dark pit of despair and hopelessness. Quiet, while inside my head I hear the echoes of my screaming “NO!”, “NO!”, “NO! NO! NO!”
But just like when I was a kid, no amount of crying mattered. No noise made a difference.
How would you feel if that happened to you? Does that happen to you?
Me? It scares the bejevees out of me. I don’t want to go back.
Does it make me angry? Should it? I don’t know. And what do I do with that anger when I feel it? And what happens when I try to shut that hurt out?
So, you want to blame me for having issues? I laugh at you!
But, eventually I come back to my senses and realize that I need to take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I do.
Pope Francis, I appeal you to meet the needs of survivors of clergy sexual abuse by making reparations commensurate with the damage, emotional or otherwise, caused to survivors. I have ideas on how to do this. If you can’t do this, then I respectfully ask, on behalf of the Church, you to stop receiving communion until such time that the Church does. Because until the Church does, it will not be in communion with the saints. Sincere contrition is meaningless without reparations in kind. Demonstrate to the world that the Catholic Church is catholic; that is, the Church Jesus established with Peter as the rock, the first pope; that the Church practices what it preaches.
Thanks for reading.
Wishing you much love and peace,
“Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa
Consider sharing this blog with others. Victim/survivors of abuses, more often than not, carry this burden silently alone, not knowing how to deal with it or where to turn, but need hope. Loved ones and caregivers also need support. We never know who is or wants to reach out for help. This blog might be of help to caregivers and loved ones of abuse. Silence is deadly and if together we are able to help or save just one life, isn’t that worth it?
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Thank you for posting…Sharing intimate details is scary. Thank you for being so brave and for reaching out to others through this blog. I know much of your heart in this blog. Your openness and honesty is quiet beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
‘You make the reality of what you and other victims have suffered so very clear, but we all need to know that it happened. People want to help, we want to speak up and reassure, but sometimes, we just don’t know how. We are learning, hopefully. God bless you and your journey to complete peace.’
An excerpt from the blog The Effects of Sexual Abuse Never Go Away” – “ A child is likely to be left with strong feelings of anger, fear, shame, hurt and disappointment”. That’s some of the reasons why 45 years later I’ve never told my story. Yes, it’s hidden and yes it affects me to … Continue reading Anonymous