‘No More Pain’

‘No more pain’ victim wrote of Pa. priest sex abuse, as he and others took their own lives.

In a detailed letter to the Diocese of Pittsburgh, a man outlined the extensive abuse he endured at the hands of a priest while serving as an altar boy in his hometown parish.

He classified his experiences as sexual, physical and emotional abuse — memories that plagued his mind for years, and ones he certainly couldn’t escape. 

The details recounted in his case, contained in … the Pennsylvania grand jury report on priest sex abuse, are graphic, describing situations of horrendous sexual abuse. 

Through tears, he cried out, “No Father,” as the Rev. Richard Dorsch held the victim’s hand firm around the priest’s genitals. And the other assaults were similar, just as intensely damaging, as the victim described.  

When confronted with the allegations, [the priest] did not deny them. He did not act as though the name of the victim was one he didn’t recognize. Rather, he acknowledged the abuse — somewhat. He said he was “inappropriate with the victim.”

More: List: Names, details of 301 Pa. priest sex abuse allegations in Catholic dioceses

More: Clergy abuse survivors ‘tired of talk,’ stand outside diocese, demand action

The diocese began paying for the victim’s mental health treatment in July 2008, one month after he attempted suicide.  

He documented how he felt during those desperate moments:

“Early in the summer this year — in fact, it was the day of the summer solstice itself— I attempted to take my own life. It happened in the wee hours of the morning following a night of heavy drink, which my doctors have explained may have induced an inescapable episodic flashback of sexual abuse, which has haunted me over the years. This time, however, the pain of that flashback I couldn’t stand any longer, and decided that enough was enough. No more pain I thought as I swallowed dozens of pills.”

Almost two years later, in March 2010, the diocese told the victim they would no longer pay for his mental health treatment. A reason or explanation was not given in the grand jury report. It is not certain if the victim was given one himself.

But what is certain is that the victim took his own life two months later. 

And while his story is tragic, it’s not the only one of its kind. The grand jury report documents 12 other priests whose victims either attempted suicide or died by suicide. One instance involves the priest himself, who died by suicide, claiming he also was a victim of abuse.

written by york daily record

Pope Francis, I appeal you to meet the needs of survivors of clergy sexual abuse by making reparations commensurate with the damage, emotional or otherwise, caused to survivors. I have ideas on how to do this. If you can’t do this, then I respectfully ask, on behalf of the Church, you to stop receiving communion until such time that the Church does. Because until the Church does, it will not be in communion with the saints. Sincere contrition is meaningless without reparations in kind. Demonstrate to the world that the Catholic Church is catholic; that is, the Church Jesus established with Peter as the rock, the first pope; that the Church practices what it preaches.

Thanks for reading.

Wishing you much love and peace,


“Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa

Consider sharing this blog with others. Victim/survivors of abuses, more often than not, carry this burden silently alone, not knowing how to deal with it or where to turn, but need hope. Loved ones and caregivers also need support. We never know who is or wants to reach out for help. This blog might be of help to caregivers and loved ones of abuse. Silence is deadly and if together we are able to help or save just one life, isn’t that worth it?

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ALL CONTENTS COPYRIGHTED 2019-2021 © by H. Matthew Casey, @Journey from Abused to Joy, https://fromabusedtojoy.com/gallery, journeyfromabusedtojoy@gmail.com. All rights reserved. No part of any entry/blog may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the name of the author – H. Matthew Casey, number1advocate, @Journey from Abused to Joy – and a clear link back to this blog: https://fromabusedtojoy.com


An excerpt from the blog The Effects of Sexual Abuse Never Go Away” – “ A child is likely to be left with strong feelings of anger, fear, shame, hurt and disappointment”. That’s some of the reasons why 45 years later I’ve never told my story. Yes, it’s hidden and yes it affects me to … Continue reading Anonymous


Thank you for posting…Sharing intimate details is scary. Thank you for being so brave and for reaching out to others through this blog. I know much of your heart in this blog. Your openness and honesty is quiet beautiful. Thank you for sharing.


‘You make the reality of what you and other victims have suffered so very clear, but we all need to know that it happened. People want to help, we want to speak up and reassure, but sometimes, we just don’t know how. We are learning, hopefully. God bless you and your journey to complete peace.’


3 thoughts on “‘No More Pain’

  1. Heartbreaking. I hung myself when I was fifteen years old, because I could not take the pain of my life anymore. I am so grateful that the substantial looking pipe I hung myself from, broke! But at the time, my life was unbearable. So I get it.


      1. Thank you, Matt. Feel free to share as you see fit. Like you, I want to help others, as I have been helped.

        I am currently writing a memoir. I write at least a little in my memoir, every single day. At this point, I don’t know when my book will be finished and ready to publish. Hopefully before the end of this year. But in the meantime, I am gaining so much healing just from the simple act of writing my story down, even though I have not shared it with anyone yet.

        Speaking of my memoir, I need to stop reading here and go do some writing before it gets any later. But I will be back, tomorrow if not later tonight. God bless!


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