To some extent my website “From Abused to Joy” is a diary of sorts, chronicling parts of my journey as I continue to recover from multiple abuses including sexual abuse, and strive to find more joy in my life. Some blog entries are quite raw as I allow myself to experience, and then risk sharing with the world, the thoughts and emotions that I am navigating through, real time, on my way to joy.
I’d like to share with you an experience I had that helped open my eyes a bit. Recently, I found myself in the care of others where I was completely at their mercy to meet all my needs. This meant that I could not do what I needed to do to take care of myself including to help manage the severe pain that I experience constantly as a result of several broken vertebrae and a herniated disc. I was not permitted to take the pill form of morphine that I’m prescribed to take 2x a day, nor would they give me Tylenol, which I am also prescribed. What this meant is that I had to endure 100% of the pain that my doctor and I have been managing for many years with various means. Though some positions are more painful than others, there was NO position that I could put my body in that would relieve the pain. Not sitting, certainly not standing, nor laying down helped to minimize the pain. In this environment I simply had to endure it.
After several days I discovered that a hot shower did help to reduce the pain so that I could get a little bit of sleep before it would wake me up again. It also occurred to me that I could take as many showers as I wanted. Since I had a private room, I could take these showers 24/7 without disturbing anyone else. Suddenly these showers became my best friend. I didn’t have a watch nor a clock but I’m guessing most of these showers were at least 15-20 minutes long or so and I was taking them so often I had to wring my towel out between showers.
It was during these showers that an epiphany occurred. In this uncomfortable environment, in the mist of my pain, I was experiencing genuine joy. So much so that I was singing happy songs as I showered and that brought me even more joy. Now I realize that this may not be a sophisticated type of joy, that it may in fact be superficial, but it was joy never-the-less. This brought a big smile to my face and my heart as I realized that I am capable of experiencing joy. Perhaps I can use this experience as a baseline for learning how to experience more joy? Perhaps with a little effort on my part and maybe even receiving guidance from someone more skilled in nurturing and harvesting joy, I can learn how to have more joy in my life. Perhaps this experience is a major breakthrough, even if it is elementary.
Thanks for reading.
Wishing you much love and peace,
“Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa
Ps: Have words of encouragement or a testimony to share? Does/has this blog helped you in some way? Know of additional, valuable resources? Suggestions for topics? Post a comment or you can also send me a private message by using the “Contact” page on my website or message me on FB.
Consider sharing this blog with others. Victim/survivors of abuses, more often than not, carry this burden silently alone, not knowing how to deal with it or where to turn, but need hope. Loved ones and caregivers also need support. We never know who is or wants to reach out for help. This blog might be of help to caregivers and loved ones of abuse. Silence is deadly and if together we are able to help or save just one life, isn’t that worth it?
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Thank you for posting…Sharing intimate details is scary. Thank you for being so brave and for reaching out to others through this blog. I know much of your heart in this blog. Your openness and honesty is quiet beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
‘You make the reality of what you and other victims have suffered so very clear, but we all need to know that it happened. People want to help, we want to speak up and reassure, but sometimes, we just don’t know how. We are learning, hopefully. God bless you and your journey to complete peace.’
An excerpt from the blog The Effects of Sexual Abuse Never Go Away” – “ A child is likely to be left with strong feelings of anger, fear, shame, hurt and disappointment”. That’s some of the reasons why 45 years later I’ve never told my story. Yes, it’s hidden and yes it affects me to … Continue reading Anonymous