My goal for this blog is to share my healing journey with others in the hopes that it will help all of us who struggle to deal effectively with the fallout from early, severe childhood trauma, especially involving sexual abuse. For me this has been and continues to be an ongoing process. I hope we can share our journey together.
I want this blog to be a safe place for other victims to share their stories and healing journey. Here, you will find that I will be devoid of the condemnation and judgment that victims often get from others that don’t understand. It’s not their fault, they can’t understand even if they wanted to; they CAN’T. And, most of the time, we can’t tell them. It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s because the guilt and shame is so overwhelming, and, if we blame ourselves, we know that they must, too.
While my story includes abuse at the hands of a priest who had been identified as a sexual predator before he molested me, my story also includes many other abuses suffered by myself, my siblings, and my mom; in many of our cases from multiple abusers. Is it coincidence? I think not. It is common that early abuses often pave the way for other predators to identify and stalk their vulnerable prey of any age. Regardless, it is not the victim’s fault because persons in a position of authority do not have the right to abuse their authority. In fact, they have a responsibility, and obligation to NOT abuse their authority. Anyone who abuses demonstrates total disregard for the welfare of the person they molest.
This blog is a homecoming of sorts. It will show that I, the author, gets it, and it just may offer hope. My story and this blog sends the message to victims and professionals alike that I am for real and may have something to say; maybe even offer some kind or chance of healing for those tormented by unspeakable abuses they suffered at the hands of monsters. Abuses that stole childhoods from children. Abuses that forced children to survive in horrific environments of repetitive physical, emotional and spiritual abuse. Abuses that cripple them despite their best efforts to recover. Abuses that will plague them for the rest of their lives. Abuses that frequently lead to destructive behaviors and too often significantly shortened lives. This is written for those who were robbed of the full potential that they otherwise would’ve been able to achieve, save for the abuse.
This blog is for those who are striving to recover. The road is long and fraught with many bumps, potholes, black ice, fog and rain, people throwing rocks at you, bird shit and sometimes even mountains of debris. But this 54-year-old survivor can assure you that there is hope. The struggle is difficult. It is indeed about the journey and not the destination. Those words are so important I’m going to repeat them: it is indeed about the journey and not the destination. There are many failures, too many to count. But there are also successes. Triumphant ones. There are scars that won’t heal. Perhaps the greatest tragedy of repetitive abuses are the learned dysfunctional coping skills that lead to so many damaged relationships, sometimes irreversibly so. Coping skills that once served to help us survive, but now have become a curse. The energy that victims have to put into recovery robs them of experiencing the many joys of life, the joys that other folks might take for granted. It robs them of intimacy. It robs them of the potential that their lives could have otherwise achieved.
Loved ones, including family/friends, and caregivers also need support. It is my hope that this blog will provide resources to help them better deal with their own struggles as well. This blog is also for those who are interested in learning more about the effects of abuses that victim/survivors struggle with
If I could reach out to all victims that have suffered horrific abuses, if it’s okay with them, I would reach out and give them a hug and let them know it is okay to be mad, it is okay to hurt, it is okay to cry. I would hug the victims as long as necessary and gently wipe away their tears. I would let them know that I am here for them and will do whatever I can to help them to recover. I would let them know that they are born to be loved, deserve to be loved, worthy to be loved, and can be loved. Allow me to repeat myself, they are worthy to be loved from their birthday and in fact worthy to be loved from the moment of their conception.
Caveat: It is my intent that this blog be for everyone but I recognize that not everyone believes the same thing. I happen to be a Christian and will reference my beliefs when appropriate. If you do not believe as I do that is fine. Please be gracious and simply disregard the parts that don’t apply to you. Regardless, I’m not looking for arguments on my beliefs or interpretation thereof. Please feel free to comment sincerely, but don’t expect an argument.